Shayla

May 20, 2013 — Leave a comment

Today’s story comes to via Shawn Hodges

Shayla is my 16 year old baby sister! I consider her one of the most top beautiful girls ever! Not only from the outside but her heart is beautiful as well! I am blessed to be part of her moment of realizing her worth thru Jesus! The big age difference between us has formed a special bond. One somewhere between mother and sister and friend! My life is so blessed by her. I am so proud of her love for Jesus and her determination to stay pure and devoted to Him.

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Growing up through my middle school years, I became fatherless. My dad died from lung cancer when I was 13 years old, at just the time that I was beginning to mature. I was in middle school and trying hard to pursue an identity. I began to struggle each and everyday with the fact that I did not have a father. I became more and more covered with my insecurities. The thought of death and the great loss in my life left me so confused about myself and who I was supposed to become. I began to worry about who was going to tell me I was beautiful or walk me down the aisle on my wedding day? Who’s little princess was I going to be? All these questions played in my head over and over like a broken record. And each time I heard these things, I was cut a little bit deeper.

As I have matured spiritually over the passed few years I have come to see the gifts God has blessed me with. I am a dancer and have been since I was three. God placed me in a position this year as the Junior Lieutenant of the Drill Team in my hometown and I made Captain for the 2013-2014 school year! I am very proud of my achievements and God’s blessings! But now, that I am older I deal with different lies- Like I would only be pretty and beautiful if I were a size 0, if I were a model, if I had peach perfect beauty. Society plays such a cruel role on girls my age, making us think we have to look “perfect” to be accepted.

Recently God laid a verse on my heart and just kept saying it to me over and over.
Psalms 119:24- Yes, I find delight in your rules; they give me guidance.

My youth group had a weekend retreat called REAL and the focus was just that … being REAL with God! I shared that verse and God began speaking to me about writing a story with WhoIsBeautiful to share with other girls my age, so that they know that they are not alone – that they are worthy and valued by Jesus!

At first, when God told me to write, I was like…really? Me? Are you serious? You want me to write a story that millions of women will read? I found someone to talk to about it and began praying about it. A couple of weeks later my sister, Shawn, came to me and said God had also told her that I needed to write a story. And that was my confirmation! Knowing that God was not playing, I really did hear His voice! I began searching my heart. In this, I found myself to be truly beautiful because in my heart I found Jesus! God showed me that He is my father! He showed me that He will always be there! He confirmed my beauty and worth!

I am Shayla, and I am Beautiful!

Psalms 139:14
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

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Photography Credit

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As a young teen, Shawn had dreamed of becoming a photographer/artist one day. Shawn Hodges Photography officially was born in January 2008. The business celebrated five years in January 2013. Shawn wants to help other woman and teens find their identity and beauty in Jesus! She is so excited to see what God will do through this ministry. She is experiencing first hand how God can restore life and value. She is planning to impact the kingdom of heaven with the hearts of many beautiful women!

Some women love only what they can hold in their arms; others, only what they can’t. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966..

Seriously, why is it that we long for that which our hands cannot secure?

Why are the so-called “greatest love stories” of our time those that tell of forbidden love? Our favorites always have the underlying theme of two people who should not be together, frustrating fate. We are obsessed with love that loves in spite of circumstances, love that is off limits, love that is forbidden and untouchable.

Anne Boleyn and King Henry, Romeo and Juliet, Lancelot and Guinevere. Whether fictional or real, their stories http://cdn.rickey.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/romeo_and_juliet_hailee_steinfeld.pngfascinate us.

What is our obsession with the unattainable? Why do we long for something we can’t have? It cannot be practical for longevity purposes, or we would all have the fate of Anne Boleyn. Where does it stem from?

Adam and Eve and our sin nature. Adam and Eve had everything their heart could ever desire and more as well as everything they had need of. Only one thing was forbidden to them, the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Why sacrifice paradise for one forbidden thing? One thing that was completely unnecessary anyway. The allure came because it was forbidden. It was not because they lacked something; it was simply because the Lord said no.

This pursuit and appeal of what we cannot have still lingers in every one of us today. Like Adam and Eve, we pursue what is off limits to us. Even from birth this desire can be seen. Consider the way a child looks at you when you say no and does it anyway. How telling a teenager not to do something seems to propel them to do just that. We long for the forbidden. We chase that which we cannot/should not have.

Have we therefore trained our society that love has to be something forbidden in order for it to stir our hearts? That the only love worth getting is the unattainable? Couldn’t we then argue that by these standards marriage should be ended when the passion and excitement of the chase are gone? No one can be chased forever. There will come a time when all lovers are within the grasp of their pursuer.

Is this then the end of romance and longing? I sure hope not. Marriage, although a journey unlike courtship still contains its mysteries. But we must acknowledge to each other that this journey is no less than the journey before it and determine that marriage will be more of an adventure than the forbidden love that we are taught by culture to desire. There is so much richness in choosing to spend the rest of your days with the same person. It is what God intended for marriage.

We must fight against this desire for the forbidden, this sin nature. As we see the demise of marriage and our culture filled with perversities that come from pursuing those things that are forbidden (including things like porn, drugs, fornication, etc.) We must acknowledge that life is not about the chase of the unattainable, that some things are better undiscovered and that love is much more than the excitement of a chase.

Lastly, this desire can lead unbelievers to reject God, because His love is so freely given and unearned. This goes against everything our society is taught, this goes against our very sin nature. We have learned that everything has a price and nothing can be handed out for free. It even carries into our walk as Christians and leads us into religiosity. We feel we must work for God’s favor, even though it’s clear in His Word that we should not. (Ephesians 2:8,9)

Lord, help us to overcome this sin nature. Help us to love others as you would have us love and to give up the pursuit of that which is forbidden to us. Let us deny our sin nature and experience the safety of your love. Help us to not toy with each other’s hearts just to make the chase interesting. Let us accept your love as you freely offer it and make no effort to try to feebly earn it.

True love stories never have endings and they exist long after the novelty has worn off.

About the Author

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Erica Beiler is currently pursuing her Masters degree in Psychology. An aspiring psychologist and writer, she is currently working on a novel and a book on the psychology of waiting. She possesses grand aspirations centered in the will of her Savior and writes mostly to please Him. Also, she thinks you’re beautiful.

Marla

May 13, 2013 — 13 Comments

Today’s story come to you via Shawn Hodges

I met Marla as a client about two years ago. Marla is a great listener and encourager. She is strong, courageous, and deeply in love with Jesus! I am so blessed to know her! When God first told me He wanted me to be involved with this ministry He immediately gave me Marla’s name for a story!  When I went to ask her about writing I saw that her cancer was back and almost felt bad for asking, but God told me to go ahead. She answered right away with  “Anything to give HIM Glory!”

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My journey with the word “beauty” started as an early child. I can remember comments like, “Oh, what a beautiful girl!” People might say to my mom, “You have such beautiful daughters!” Then I got a little older, and while my sister stayed little, I was on the heavier side. I might add that I was very tomboyish.  In my mind if I couldn’t be beautiful, I would be tough.

The week before Easter in 1983, I began a new life with Christ. I was young, but I was all in. As the years passed, my love for Him would deepen with the help of many Christian leaders. I will forever hold dear Hal Schmidt, who was my Youth Minister at First Baptist in Henderson, Texas.  He helped me with a gift the Holy Spirit was opening up in my life, a passion for sharing my testimony. At age 13 I gave my testimony to the church to around 300 people. It felt like it was Texas Stadium.  As I started talking about my walk, everything went to ease, and that was the first time I truly felt the Holy Spirit working in me.

I would go through many trials as a teen and young adult, testing my self-worth and my walk with Christ. I would always go back to scripture that I had learned at church camp. We learned it as God’s telephone number, Jeremiah 33:3 Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know. I was calling, but I was unable to listen very well.

I became so caught up in my own world after my parents’ divorced. I longed for wholeness, someone, and something to fulfill my needs. All my friends were getting married and I was 29. What was wrong with me? The ugly duckling syndrome had set in. Who was going to want me?   I had just come out of a six year relationship that went nowhere. What was I doing wrong?

I soon met a man and we got married fast. The marriage was a hot mess from day one, but the only thing I could hear in my mind was that God doesn’t like divorce. That is true, but when He is not over it from the beginning, there is another story. I would soon find out that my husband was a drug addict. He would feed his addictions, and I would feed mine by trying to fix him.

I had longed for a family since I was a little girl playing with dolls. Two years into our marriage, I became pregnant. I was so excited! This was going to be the break I needed. I was going to finally have the baby I had longed for, get my husband sober, and get my family back together. I had it all planned out. Twelve weeks into my pregnancy, we had a miscarriage. My heart was broken. My world was falling apart. This time I was mad, and my pride was hurt. What was I going to do now? I kept playing it over and over in my head – my husband’s going to die of drugs now, and it is my entire fault.

A month before we found out I was pregnant, we had received news my mother-in law had brain cancer. This was going to be the blow I could not recover from, at least I thought. Depression had set in, and I did not care. I was just going through life to be there. My mother-in-law died a year later, and she was a beautiful soul. My husband dug deeper into drugs, and it seemed like we moved a million times.  I would try and save him from the bad people and drugs that kept finding us. Three years would go by, and we moved to Houston. After many trials there, his sister, who lived in North Carolina, called and said she was going to help him if he would move there.  He told me he would get right, and then I could move there. Shortly after his move, I received divorce papers.

I had returned to church while living in Houston. God had brought me to Houston’s First Baptist Church for a reason. The church was offering a woman’s Bible study on Esther, and the teacher was some lady by the name of Beth Moore. I was blown away, needless to say. Who was God putting in my life? A pure blessing! I had never heard the Word spoken with such conviction from a woman. This changed my life and my path forever.  I know now it was me that needed to change. I was the one who had lost her way, or did I have it all to lose in the first place? John Piper quotes Thomas Wall so powerfully in his book Future Grace. He states, “We are not bound to trust an enemy; but we are bound to forgive them.  We are not responsible to make reconciliation happen. We are responsible to seek it.” In Romans 12:18 So far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. I pray that my ex-husband forgives me as I have forgiven him. Our God is faithful.

When I finally started walking His way, I never knew where He would lead me. I met the man God had planned for my life. Shortly after, I found out I had Ocular Melanoma Cancer in my left eye. The tumor was too big for treatment and would have to be removed.  In my heart I was struggling with not knowing if this man could love a one eyed freak. “Beautiful” would not be a word in my life that I would ever hear again. I mean the devil was on high alert.  Little did he know, my God is mighty! After my eye removal, I was depressed, but God showered me with the love and care of many saints. Stephen loved me, and we got married that following year. God blessed us with a beautiful, baby girl.  Six weeks after she was born, they found that the cancer had spread to my liver. I cried out to my God right there in the dressing room at MD Anderson, “Please save me! I am not ready!”  My husband held me tight. There I was quoting Jeremiah 33:3 once again.  I was answering this time and seeing the true beauty of grace.

The next week I was set up for 8 treatments of hepatic arterial infusion with Abraxane – chemo, in other words. I had reached the maximum level of treatment; therefore, on my 9th treatment I had radiofrequency ablation followed by doxorubicin beads. After that procedure I had a T.I.A.  The doctors would try to rule it out by chronic migraines.  I was fine and my next check-up proved NED, which stood for No Evidence of Disease. Praise the LORD!!!

I had clear scans from August 2010. Then, that day came, January 24, 2013.  The cancer returned for a third time. I cried but it was a peaceful cry. I knew who was carrying me.  I thought to myself, “God, you are using me for a reason. If there is just one person to share Your mercy and grace, I am all in.” As it is written, Colossians 4:3-6, And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains.  Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should.  Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity.  Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

When Shawn came to me and asked me to write my story, I thought God is working once again. I thought long and hard about the question: Who is beautiful? It was simple to me – everyone who walks in the Eyes of Grace with Christ. You would not understand the meaning behind Eyes of Grace if you did not know my walk with Christ. You see, it took me losing my eye to regain my true sight. We have so much work that needs to be done for Him, yet, sometimes those of us who pull away, return blessed with new sight. I have returned ready! It makes me think of the scripture 2 Corinthians 5:20: We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. We are the called and must be ready.

Over this past year, I had formed a team to help in the fight against Ocular Melanoma and spread God’s grace. We had entered a race in the Austin Half Marathon. My cancer had returned on January 24th.  My treatment of radio frequency ablation was February 7th, and yes, I walked the Austin Half Marathon on February 17th.  It was a day I will never forget.  I did not make it to the finish line, but in my heart I did! My team finished strong for me, and for that, I will be forever grateful.  We ran for a prize. Some of the runners ran for medals, others ran for the fight of a cure. Some walked in honor of their loved ones.  As for me, I can sum it up in scripture for all of us.  It says in 1 Corinthians 9:24, Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. The true prize is sharing Gods Word. He is our true prize!

I love a quote from The Shawshank Redemption, “Get busy living or get busy dying.”  We have died to sin, and we are living for Christ. So yes, the way I see it, get busy living.  Do everything on your bucket list, or at least try. Fear not! True beauty is letting your God light shine.

My God light will be shining May 11th as I graduate from BTCL, Bible Training Center for Leaders, at Denton Bible Church. Little did I know, my testimony at age 13, and the passion I felt while listening to Beth Moore would bring me to this moment in my life.  My God knew, and that my dear friend, is His beauty!

2 Corinthians 3:3-6, You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.  Such confidence we have through Christ before God.  Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.  He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

***UPDATE ON MARLA***** At the time of the post Marla has received the amazingly good news that she is CANCER FREE!!!!  Praise God!!

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Photography Credit

IMG_8808website

As a young teen, Shawn had dreamed of becoming a photographer/artist one day. Shawn Hodges Photography officially was born in January 2008. The business celebrated five years in January 2013. Shawn wants to help other woman and teens find their identity and beauty in Jesus! She is so excited to see what God will do through this ministry. She is experiencing first hand how God can restore life and value. She is planning to impact the kingdom of heaven with the hearts of many beautiful women!

There is a song I was listening to yesterday, as I was sanding a piano my daughter gave me for my birthday.  The song was by JJ Heller called “I Get to Be the One”. She sings about how God chose her to be the one to raise her child. I stood there and reflected, with tears staining the piano, at how truly blessed I am. On mother’s day we usually look for how others can bless us. It is our day to be honored as mothers. I say it is a day to be thankful. I know that more this year than any other. I don’t understand totally why. I just know the Lord has brought me to a tender place. I lost my husband. Yet, two of the best things I ever got from my marriage to him was the two amazing young adults I have in my life. I was reflecting on my life with them as I prayed and worked on the piano. You see, my daughter is graduating on Friday from the School of Worship at Christ for the Nations and my son is leaving Tuesday for his first mission trip to Africa, his first time leaving the country for an extended time.  So this Mother’s Day is reflecting in a whole new light for me. It is not about what I am getting, but that I was the one God chose to raise these two amazing young adults. They are my gifts.

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Without my kids I don’t know if I would have grown so much in The Lord. You see it was because of them I started to go back to church in the first place.  I was not living a Godly life and I was angry at God for many reasons.  Yet I was convicted by God to not allow my kids to form their opinion of God based on how I felt.  So as soon as they were old enough to go to Sunday school I started to take them to church. God does work all things together for the good of those that are called according to His purpose. Little did I know how much He was calling me to be a Mom.  Not just a mother to my children but,”A Mother to the Nations.”  I stood last night hugging my dear Mexican friend who was missing her mom.  That warmed my heart so.  I get to be the one. You see I was going to be a career woman.  My sister was going to be the one who had the family and the white picket fence. God knew what he was doing when He chose me to raise these two and many others. I just had to grasp it for myself.

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It also took a great amount of prayer.  It says in the bible in Philippians 4:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6 NIV)

We can spend our life worrying about our kids or we can pray our way through their lives.  I found it was a great boost to my prayer life to have kids.  Especially with a rambunctious young man that God blessed me with. It was from his love of guns and destructive things that put me on my knees and had me praying for God to give him something constructive to do with his energy.  It was God’s amazing grace that put a camera in his hand which still allows him to shoot things. Yet this time instead of hurting the things he shoots. He is capturing the testimonies of African pastors.

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My daughter has always been the one that was easier to correct.  She did not require a lot of prayer at a young age.  She has faced more challenges in her adult years.  Just chasing dreams and learning about life in general.   My prayers for her have been more “Lord let her have enough to cover her rent” or “help her be safe” when storms came to west Texas where she was living. She has always been an artist and she express her art in a beautiful way.  She captures beauty in the lens of her camera and on the canvases she paints. She has a God given talent for helping those who don’t think they photograph well to capture their beauty.  She wishes to go on to start a co-op studio that will help other artists by inspiring the gift within them. So prayer has been a guiding force in their lives.

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Devotion has been another guiding force as well. We used to get up each morning and read a devotional on our way to school.  I would have one of the kids read it and then we would share with each other what God spoke to us through the devotional.  It was a precious way to start our day. I also used every opportunity to teach them through all we did. It says in the bible that even the rocks will cry out and give Him praise! I believe there is a lesson built into most things we do each day.  We just have to have our hearts and ears open to hear what is being said.  Jesus even told the disciple they needed to have eyes to see, ears to hear and a heart to understand, so look and listen for the lessons that are being taught by God’s creation.

Investing my life in theirs, being there for them, not running off and doing all the things I thought I should be doing or what I wanted to do, making the tough choice of family over career.  I had several chances to pick my career or my dreams first.  Yet I picked my children.  I know it meant I had to delay something for me. Yet they ended up being my ministry through those years. Every minute I invested in them has given me the greatest payback.  I also made myself available.  I chose them over careers, money, friendship, and yes, even sleep.  I felt if I was not available for them, then I was telling them that God was not there for them either. I discovered what it meant to sacrifice self in my life.  I postponed my dreams, but I did not forget them. The Lord is returning on some of those investments now.  You will never regret the time you spend with your kids. You will only regret the time you did not spend with them.

Lastly, I would like to cover building memories together. This is one thing I value greatly, especially after losing my husband.  We never know in life how much time we truly have here. We are only sojourners in this land. One of the greatest things I value is all the great memories we built as a family.  We shared many great adventures together. My parents taught me, and I have always taught my children, you don’t just live in a place you need to experience it. Everywhere we have ever gone we have sought to find the great adventure each place had to offer, to capture as many memories as we could.  It is those memories that I found myself reflecting on and giving thanks for – all those wonderful and yes not so wonderful parts of life we have lived together.

These and many other experiences have molded me into a Mom and them into the young adults they are today. I give Thanks for Alicia and Paul Jr, the greatest Mother’s day gift God has ever given me! I am proud of you both and pray that GOD will help you both soar to all He has for you. He launches you both into this next adventure for your lives. I will now soar with Him to my dreams…  just in time for this Mother’s Day!

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About the Author

IMG_6817Beth Zinn – After losing her husband to cancer in 2011. She did the unthinkable. She moved across the country to a new state and took on the task of remodeling a foreclosure. Her heart reflects the journey of Ruth from the bible. Following the Lord and with the help of her young adult children and many other young adults. Her house is a beautiful reflection of God’s redemption.  She has a great skill to see the beauty within the broken things of life. She is always working to find the beauty within the rubble and restore it to new.

Ashley

May 6, 2013 — 3 Comments

Today’s story comes to via Beth and Alicia Zinn.  Their friend Ashley shares a very moving and inspiring personal story of overcoming incredible odds.  She has lived a life of facing challenges head on and continues to submit herself to the Lord’s will.  Be encouraged today that whatever you are facing NOTHING is impossible with God!

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I was talking to a friend the other day; I said “I realized how hard I have to battle against negative self-esteem every day.” Yes, I am beautiful and I believe it. I can even admit that I Love to look at myself in the mirror, it’s a girl thing. I could care less about a pimple or the gap in my smile. I am amazingly beautiful because I was made in His image. So, where is the battle, you ask? My battle is in my blessing.

Stay with me and I will explain. If you are a parent, you know that the child you struggle to understand is your greatest blessing. If you have ever worked your way up the career ladder or to earn that degree, you know that the hours of sleep you lack will be of great result if you hold on. Great blessings can be a great irritation and require hard work. For most, my great blessing seems to be something to pity. For those who know me well it’s a true inspiration. Honestly, I feel it could fall anywhere between inconvenience and the Lord’s amazing grace. I was born with cerebral palsy. I have, in 28 years, progressed from being in a wheelchair, to a walker, to crutches and now to a cane. It has been a journey. At the age of 5 I was hit by a drunk driver walking across the parking lot of my apartment complex, something I did many times. It caused me to have sleeping seizures. For months after, my mother and sister didn’t sleep as they made sure I was breathing through the night. I also had surgery on both of my knees which required casts on both my legs for six weeks. There wasn’t a lot of prayer going on at that time. I didn’t grow up in a Christian home. In fact, my mom was a widowed, single parent with two jobs, two kids, and two degrees to finish. Frankly, she probably was praying, but unsure of how or where it would get us if anywhere. However, I was always a hopeful kid, telling everyone, “God does everything for a reason.”

As I entered Junior high school, reality hit me and that hopefulness seemed to dwindle. I began to see things differently, including my reflection, not my face but my walk. I had to deal with bullies. I began to feel like having cerebral palsy had no reason. Cerebral palsy then became my burden. Depression hit me. I had struggled in school and things got even harder. I would cry myself to sleep. My mom could tell the difference in my attitude as well. Surprisingly, the roughest time of my life began here. By this point, my family had moved to east Texas and began attending church. We were believers in Christ, building our foundations in Him. It didn’t seem fair that I would become hopeless and discouraged. I had finally had found the One who does everything for a reason. I was about to find that God allows all things (good or bad) to happen so that we may find strength to persevere.

On December 24, 2002, I was in my bedroom when the phone rang. It was my god-mother calling. I thought she was calling to say Merry Christmas… not at all. She called to tell us that my god-father had passed. I was immediately inconsolable and angry. I prayed: “Why, Lord? Now I have no one”. On that day the tears eventually slowed and God reintroduced himself as God my Father who sent His Son to die for my Sin. At the age of 17, God redefined faith for me. Faith was no longer believing that God would do what I wanted him to do, but knowing that He would give me strength to persevere in whatever the situation. Through the encouragement of others I began to see that I couldn’t just say, but I had to truly believe that there was a reason for my struggles and my disability.

As a woman, I can’t cover up cerebral palsy with concealer or the latest style. Ha! It is with me. I found Gods love for me and believed in it. It would be nice to say that was the happy ending, but it’s the beginning. Over the past years, God has used me as a leader, friend, and educator to encourage and inspire others to find strength during their trials. He continuously reminds me of the thought he put in my spirit early on. He does things for a reason. He shows me His love daily through my disability and that same love is shining through me as encouragement and inspiration for others.

Many ask me “do you want to be healed?” Only if it is His will. I believe, that with cerebral palsy, I have found a divine purpose. Without it, I and many others could miss something very big that God wants us to understand. My reflection is a daily personal revelation of God’s grace and provision. I do have to battle for encouragement, confidence and strength with cerebral palsy. The reason: to bless others with the very things I have to battle for. I have to choose daily to believe in the purpose of God in every situation of my life. The harder I fight the more I am blessed and find victory. Cerebral palsy is the blessing God has given to me to be an instrument of many good things for others. What has been given to you that is divinely purposed as someone’s blessing? I have cerebral palsy and I am beautiful.

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:11-13

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Photography Credit

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Alicia Zinn loves all things creative, including God’s creation.  She considers it a personal challenge when people express not being photogenic.”My heart is to capture the natural God given beauty that shines out of each of us. I long to see each person as God sees them… That is why I named my studio In His Eyes!” You can view more of her work at www.inhiseyestx.com

Shine On

May 2, 2013 — 2 Comments

Being a Stay at Home Mother is the best choice that I have ever made.

I feel tremendously blessed that in this day and age, my husband honors my role as wife, mother and teacher above the http://www.attractionsmagazine.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/shineon_final_art_web_jpg_13580_500w.jpgcommercialized standards of wealth, money and position. I see it as a privilege to make the choice to stay home and raise disciples as a sole focus instead of dividing my attention between work and home. It is a deep responsibility and a weight that I happily bear…

Most of the time.

Let’s face it ladies. There is that percentage, somewhere between 10-15%, (or however much you care to admit to…go ahead, no one can hear you!) of the time when you feel a little baffled by it all. We mothers are one of the only occupations in the world where the job description is consistently inconsistent, you are on call 24/7, physical stamina is in constant demand but short supply and where basic life skills such as nose-blowing, hand washing and crisis management are always on the task list. Your subordinates actually run your day most of the time, wardrobe malfunctions occur hourly and sprinting through the aisles in Wal-Mart toward the family bathrooms (No, Mommy I have to go NOW!) is the most often practiced form of exercise.

But those of us that are called to this task love it. What strange women we are. To actually find fulfillment and relish in such a role. To enjoy every sticky embrace, slobbery smooch and missed-my-hand-but-wacked-my-nose-high-five. To persevere through the chaos and ignore the unfinished laundry. To frolic carefree amongst the strewn Legos, past the wasted rolls of toilet paper and…

Wait just a moment. Is something sounding a little off here for you too? I mean, in the course of my average day, that last paragraph is a bit of a dream. In all reality, there are days where the laundry, sticky hands, wasted toiletries and chaos can be overwhelming. Relish? Enjoy? Persevere? How about survive! There are days when keeping your head above water is really the only goal. Well, that and not being tied up in a corner somewhere by your 6 year old.

You see, we live in such a performance based society that it really is difficult to see ourselves not achieving; even when it’s something as simple hot dogs vs. steak for dinner. There is an unspoken belief in our society as well, that if you are home all day long then your home, children, husband, et infinitum must be perfect. The pressures of performance, production and output can mount rather quickly and take a toll on our emotional psyche, self image and perspective. That is, until we look into God’s awesome word.

We often remember the great men of the Bible for their moments of triumph, but rarely do we reflect on their marked moments of weakness. Abraham was a liar, Elijah battled depression and Peter was a plagued with doubt and fear. But today, for our mothering hearts, I want to look at David. A man after God’s own heart, and the giant that he could not defeat.

2 Samuel 21: 15 Once again the Philistines were at war with Israel. And when David and his men were in the thick of battle, David became weak and exhausted. 16 Ishbi-benob was a descendant of the giants; his bronze spearhead weighed more than seven pounds, and he was armed with a new sword. He had cornered David and was about to kill him. 17 But Abishai son of Zeruiah came to David’s rescue and killed the Philistine. Then David’s men declared, “You are not going out to battle with us again! Why risk snuffing out the light of Israel?”

I am wondering if you caught that at all. David, giant slayer, knock down drag out warrior of the day, big man on campus King, was exhausted. And because of his exhaustion, he was almost defeated. But did his mighty men taunt him? Did they question his rule, his authority? No. They provided solutions. Abishai killed Ishbi-benob and then they men declared that his light was too important to risk his life again. Home he must stay, to be protected and kept safe.

Do you see the parallel?

Are you exhausted? Has the laundry pile up overwhelmed you and do the dirty diapers have you cornered? Is the giant of perfectionism and production threatening to tear you to pieces and kill you with a Goliath sized sword? Has your mop and sponge become more vital to you than the sound of your children’s laughter and your husband’s warm touch? Is your image as Mom of the Year killing the light inside of you? Then stop, get off the battle field and let someone else fight that fight.

You are far more important than your production. There is a light inside of you that keeps your family going that is far more vital to their success than clean dishes. There is a light inside of you that will send mighty men of wisdom, truth and love into the enemy’s camp against your family far more effectively than a vacuumed floor. There is a light inside of you to mend broken hearts, laugh in the good times, pray through the struggles and guide in the darkness that is far more important that any outsider’s expectations.

So relax. Give yourself grace Mom, and focus on the light. If anything is going to make you tired at the end of a day, let it be because you shone so brightly that you gave all you had. Not because the floors are prefect and the dinner spot on. The warriors in your life need you more than what you can do.

Shine on sister. Shine on.

About the Author

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Krisette Cole – My heart is to let God use any and all parts of this crazy story I have called my life with transparency and whit to foster healing in the hearts and minds of women everywhere.  I am not shy about exposing my faults in order to magnify God’s infinite and saving grace, His undying love and His excellence in the earth.  And with the awesome God that we serve?  Well, it’s an easy work to do!

Repost of Shari’s story…..

I met Shari about 2 1/2 years ago here in Dallas.  I was telling her during her shoot that I didn’t know how to write the bio section of her story.  She is so many things!  People who know her understand what I mean.  She is a mother, a wife, a friend.  But she is also hilariously funny, joyful, giving, creative. And her emotions are always accessible, making her very genuine and real.  She is serious about her love of the Lord and her convictions in ministry.  She will always greet you with a hug and a smile, and is an endless source of encouragement.  Let her sunny personality warm you up on this cold day with her humorous story ending a bad relationship….

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The Day I Came Out of My Closet

I have a confession to make.  I am guilty.  I’m embarrassed to say this in public.  I have been in an abusive relationship since I was 9.  I cannot run away.  I have to face it.  No matter how many times I have tried to hide it, its time to come clean.  I have been in a bad relationship with MYSELF!

I started by comparing myself to others.  But that wasn’t enough.  I began to look in mirrors and berate, belittle, and beat myself mentally and verbally until I would end up in a puddle of tears.  I would starve myself, force terrible diet regimens, and even make myself hide because I was mortified to be seen with me.  I would shut down in social situations and appear a snob. Why?  Because I thought I was supposed to be like everyone else.  But I was not.

When I was 8 my parents resigned from their church and we moved out of the parsonage.  From that point is where many of my insecurities began.  We left a very small, and seemingly secure existence to a beautiful home where I didn’t have to share a room any longer. This was great until night-time.   I remember being scared at night and feeling alone.   In addition my siblings and I were changing and growing. I particularly took notice of how my sisters were becoming women.  Both are absolutely beautiful however we each are different in many ways.  Being the youngest, I looked up to them and wanted to be just like them.  That was hard to do, as I became the tallest (did I mention 5’11″), curviest (not a size 10 baby) and wasn’t asked out near as much.  Boys noticed them and they appeared to have it all together.  I thought this was the norm and this was re-enforced by the TV and movies I watched.  I was caught up in a world where I allowed the “social norm” to dictate who I was supposed to be inside and out. I felt that I was unacceptable if I did not meet others’ expectations.  I didn’t look like my sisters so somehow in my young mind I would not get to do and be what they were.  Add this to the fact that in the 80′s being blond was “in”.  After all, the common phrase was “blonds have more fun!”  I am obviously no where near blond and this was something that I couldn’t change without chemicals.  The hard part was that I knew a lot of blonds and they did seem to have more fun.  I just couldn’t seem to win in my comparison game.  This was seen in friendships, dating, church and even in work situations.  I just couldn’t seem to fit into the box that was set before me.  This has been years in the making.  And the abusive relationship continued.

Fast forward to now.   I’m beginning to understand that I was never meant to look or be like anyone else.  In a world where we try to dress the same and box ourselves into the current trend, my soul cries out to be unique.  I was created as an individual.  Not a clone.  God’s intricate artistry of an individual cannot be copied.  I was never intended to be the same as another.  Nor were you.

I decided that since I turned 40 this year it was time to come of out of my closet (hence the choice of title) and begin a healthy relationship with myself.  To stop hiding and start embracing who I am. Inside and out.  To celebrate my quirkiness and giftings that my Maker programmed in me.  To enjoy singing, playing the piano, reading, writing, painting, baking, creating, perhaps start a business, ya know….the good stuff with plenty of laughter to boot!  There is an excitement that I cannot contain.  A good relationship that is on the horizon.  That, my friend, is beautiful!

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Anneli

April 22, 2013 — Leave a comment

Today’s story is from Anneli, a precious friend from Dallas.  I remember photographing her family over the holidays.  What a loving family they have!  They are all very closely knit and you can tell that it is love that binds them.  Her story covers a subject that has touched so many of our lives….a misspoken word/words that wound little hearts.  We all understand the power of words that are spoken over us or about us as children.  And sometimes those words take root in our little hearts.  As we grow, that bitter seed blooms and becomes something we identify ourselves with.  The trouble is that it is a complete and total lie meant to rob us of our value and purpose.  So if you have children, especially daughters, be careful that what you say is life giving and building rather than tearing down or labeling.  And most importantly, pray over their hearts that God would guard them against the words that we can’t control. (Photos by Alicia Zinn)

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Who is beautiful?

I was about five years old when one of my relatives gave my sister and me a book about sisters in which one sister was chubby and the other was skinny. My little sister was extremely skinny and I was not . . . these comparisons relatives made began to wound my little heart. Although I grew up in a loving Christian home, the outer voices of relatives and friends bombarded my thoughts. It only took a couple times of being singled out to plant a seed of insecurity. My parents always treated my siblings and me with respect, and I now see how uncommon that is—God knitted us closely as a family. However, these comparisons that seemed “harmless but funny” damaged my self-worth as a young child and through adulthood.

I never remember feeling pretty as a girl. I thought God simply did not choose beauty for me. Once I became a teenager and very skinny, I thrived on attention from boys. I figured, “if they like me, I guess I’m not as fat and ugly as I thought.” Even though I was thin and got plenty of attention, I was still so discontented with my appearance. I remember being completely obsessed with the size of my nose and the size of my hips (at 100 pounds). I thought they were huge! The devil fed lie after lie. I was also very ashamed of who I was inside. I hated where I came from, I hated the fact that I was a pastor’s daughter, I hated it all. Even with a loving family, the devil managed to place people in my life that, with just a few words, could crush my self-worth completely! My teenage years were definitely the worst. I had no idea of who I was in Christ—I was just trying to figure out how I could possibly be cool and desirable, and got nowhere.

Finally, at 20 years old, the Lord got a hold of me and I couldn’t fight Him anymore. He told me to stop running and not to be afraid. I finally let God begin to heal the many wounds in my heart. From that day on I decided to live for Him and shifted focus off myself to serving Him whole-heartedly through youth ministry. The Lord rescued me from myself. I let God lavish His love on me! I remember getting a beautiful bouquet of roses at work one afternoon. I felt desired. The roses didn’t have a trace of who they were from. I assumed they were from my boyfriend Jesus—I used to joke that Jesus was my boyfriend because He filled all desires of my heart. Although there was still much to be done, God gave me a healthy physical self-image. At 25, I married Matthew, my beloved husband, and he made me feel more beautiful than ever! I remember waking up in the morning with no makeup and my hair a mess, and it was at that time that Matthew made me feel the most beautiful.

Things were looking up, but I still loathed who I was inside. Again, the devil fed me lies and I chose to believe the lies and not the truth, the Word of God. I knew what the Bible said—that I was adopted by God through Christ, that I was made righteous through Christ, that I was not a slave to my fears and insecurities, but I didn’t let any of it sink into my heart. I didn’t accept any of it for myself. I also lacked a sense of authority! I thought God heard everybody’s prayers except mine sometimes. I was in youth ministry by God’s grace alone. When I preached to the youth I always felt I lacked confidence and authority. I tried to be who I thought I should be as much as I could, but of course, I alone did not measure up.

It wasn’t until my first week of school in the Leadership and Pastoral major at Christ For The Nations that God began to break off the lies. I remember I heard God clearly tell me, “I thought of you. I made you just the way you are.” He caught me completely by surprise because I was not praying, reading my Bible or doing anything spiritual. I was exhausted from my stay –at-home duties and was about to lie down. I burst into tears when I heard Him. God began to pour into me and reveal to me that I AM RIGHTEOUS through Christ! The year I was in school at CFNI, God poured and poured into me. One of the things God used during school was a mentoring project—I had to choose someone to mentor me. I chose Solange Tranel, whom with much wisdom, pointed out to me that I was constantly trying to do things to please God. I thought I feared the Lord, but what I actually feared was rejection from God. Solange shared Galatians 4:6-7,  Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, ‘Abba, Father.’ So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.” She prayed for me and it was not until that moment that I accepted God’s word for me. I thought to myself, “I’m an heir! I’m like Jesus in God’s eyes!” And I finally accepted that I am beautiful inside and out—that is what God sees and that is enough for me.

God is still working in me and I’m so glad He’s not done with me yet! Isabella and Sofia are my two beautiful girls—and I know I cannot protect them from every thoughtless thing people say, but I know to pray every day that they know who they are in Christ and for Jesus to pour His healing blood over their hearts. They will NOT have the struggles I had. The three of us, we are beautiful inside and out!

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Photography Credit

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Alicia Zinn loves all things creative, including God’s creation.  She considers it a personal challenge when people express not being photogenic.”My heart is to capture the natural God given beauty that shines out of each of us. I long to see each person as God sees them… That is why I named my studio In His Eyes!” You can view more of her work at www.inhiseyestx.com

 

Miriam

April 15, 2013 — 1 Comment

Today’s story comes from a woman named Miriam.  I met her at CFNI and she was one of the ladies that willingly participated in the Beautiful Video.  What an amazing experience that was!  Seventy-five women from many different countries and cultures gathering together to proclaim what God says over them “I am beautiful!”  It was such a beautiful thing to witness and hear all the different languages in which beauty was translated.  We have a special treat today as Miriam is hispanic and she translated her story into English as well as Spanish.  Please read her story of God’s faithfulness and perfect timing in her life…. Photos by Alicia Zinn

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I think one of the dreams we have as young girls is to find our “Prince Charming” or the love of our life that will love us and whom we are able to love back.

I was born and raised in Mexico City, I grew up in a christian home, attending church and loving the word of God. My mom and dad always worked hard to give my brother and I a comfortable life and especially, in the area of education. Thanks to the tenacity of my parents, my brother and I were able to attend private schools and finish college.

My parents were always very involved in church activities. We attended all the organized church activities because my dad was a deacon and my mother was a teacher and the director of our Sunday school.

I do not remember receiving lots of hugs or physical expressions of love when I was younger. Although, this was not usual in my family, I always felt the protection and care of my parents. My grandmother was the person who took care of us most of the time. I do not remember many moments with my mom, because she worked hard to give us a comfortable life.

During my childhood, I think my mom was not ready to comb a girl’s hair that had so many curls. So she decided that cutting my hair short would be more practical. This was when my self-esteem began to be afflicted; I received horrible comments, teasing, and bullying by my classmates in school. This highly affected my feminity. I constantly heard comments that I was not like other girls and I was not as pretty. The absence of my mom from the home increased my preference towards wearing pants instead of skirts and dresses. I constantly struggled with finding my feminine side and dressing properly throughout the years.

Another memory that the Holy Spirit revealed to me years later was that someone very near and dear in my life made a comment out loud caressing my head saying, ¨if you were male, your would be very handsome.¨ The enemy tried to steal my identity many times.

Thank God I always had good friends who loved and accepted me as I was, and many times God would send people to reaffirm the value of my life. I constantly struggled with accepting my physical appearience. I never felt as beautiful as my friends, somehow I just kept feeling ashamed of who I was. The enemy tried again to distract and separate me from the love of God by attacking my identity.

I remember once coming back home from hanging out with my friends, and I saw myself in the mirror of my room, and said out loud to myself, “Who would want to marry you?” You are not pretty! One more time the enemy tried to steal my destiny by putting in my mind the thought that I would never get married.

My friends became the most important part of my life, even more important than my own. I was extremely obsessed with my friends, until all of them started to get married, except me. It was a very difficult time for me because I was so sure that I was going to be single all my life. Thank God I was surrounded by good people, although none of them knew what was really happening to me.

I received Christ at age 14, and although I had my years of rebellion, I always believed in the things of God. During my youth I grew up loving and serving God, but with my identity pretty wounded. No one knew that I was suffering inside.

One day a person that I trusted from church told me that she had been praying for me and that God had given her a vision. She said, “I saw you walking and holding hands with a child, you are going to be a mother of a boy someday.” I laughed at this statement. In my mind there was not even a remote chance that I would marry. I thanked her, and inside my hope grew.

I reached a high point in my career when I became a partner and received shares in the company I worked in. I was very happy with family, friends and church work in this period of my life.

While talking to God one day, I said, “Thank you God for my life, I am really happy and if you want me to remain single, I will be the happiest single person.” In Hispanic cultures women who are over thirty and still single are not looked upon very well. There is a lot of pressure from family and friends. They think a woman needs someone to take care of her. So against all odds, I determined that I would trust God and not worry about the cultural prejudices that reside in my culture.

God knows the deepest desires of our hearts and our deepest thoughts, and a month later after having that serious talk with God, I met my husband, Bill. God sent this man to restore my confidence in myself and my femininity. I was finally able to accept my appearance after I got married.

The enemy always trys to steal women’s dreams by telling lies so we cannot reach our potential and the destiny God has planned for us. I want to encourage every woman to value yourself, not only by what others say, but because your value lies is in Christ, who willingly gave himself for you so that your inner and outer beauty can shine brightly for the whole world to see. This is my favorite verse of encouragement, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

I have precious memories of my wedding day, and one of them is that I felt I was the most beautiful woman of the world. God knew what my heart yearned for and gave me my husband, a man who loves me, just the way I am. God also gave me a beautiful son that was prophesied in a vision. God continues to work in other areas of my life as I begin to accept the way He created me. Now I can say with confidence, I am free of my past wounds. I am free of things that were spoken to my life in my childhood. I am free because my value is not only in my physical appearance. I am free because I know my whole life has a purpose. I am free! I am Miriam and I am beautiful!

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Spanish Translation…

Creo que uno de los sueños que tenemos casi todas las mujeres es el encontrar el amor de tu vida, “tu principe azul” tener un esposo que te ame y a quien amar.

Nací y crecí en la ciudad de México, en un hogar en donde desde mi infancia, crecí asistiendo a la iglesia y amando la palabra de Dios; mi mamá y mi papá siempre trabajaron mucho para darnos una vida cómoda a mi hermano y a mi, pero sobre todo educación.
Gracias a la tenacidad de mis padres pudimos ir a escuelas privadas y terminar nuestras carreras. Mis padres siempre fueron personas muy involucradas en actividades dentro de la iglesia y asistíamos a todo lo que la iglesia organizaba, mi papá fue diácono y mi mamá fue maestra y directora de escuela dominical.

Siendo pequeña no recuerdo que hubiera muchos abrazos o expresiones físicas de amor, pero aun con todo ello siempre sentí la protección y cuidado de mis padres.
La persona que estaba a nuestro cuidado mayormente fue mi abuelita. No tengo muchos recuerdos con mi mamá, porque ella trabajo mucho para darnos una vida cómoda.

Creo que durante mi infancia mi mamá no estaba preparada para peinar a una niña con tantos rizos, así que decidió que mi cabello corto seria mas practico, en algún momento creo que esto afecto mi autoestima, recibía burlas y comentarios de los niños en la escuela por que parecía niño y de ahí creo que mi femineidad se lastimó; escuchaba comentarios de que yo no era femenina como otras niñas y a lo largo del tiempo eso se fue alimentando más y más. La ausencia de mi mami en casa incremento el que yo prefiriera usar pantalones que faldas y vestidos. Fue una lucha constante el encontrar mi lado femenino al vestirme a través de los años.

Otro recuerdo que el Espíritu Santo me reveló años más tarde, fue cuando alguien muy cercano y querido en mi vida hizo un comentario en voz alta acariciando mi cabeza y dijo: “si hubieras sido varón, hubieras sido muy guapo”.
El enemigo trato de robar mi identidad muchas veces; gracias a Dios siempre tuve buenos amigos que me amaron y me aceptaron como era. En muchos momentos Dios mando gente para reafirmar el valor de mi vida.

Vivía una lucha constante para aceptar mi físico; nunca me sentí tan bonita como mis amigas y en cierto modo tenia vergüenza de ser quien era. Recuerdo una vez regresando de estar con amigos que me vi al espejo en mi cuarto y en voz alta me dije a mi misma: “quien se querría casar conmigo”. Una vez más otra mentira del enemigo en mi mente, de que yo nunca me casaría.

Gracia a Dios, El siempre me dio favor con gente y amigos; sin embargo llegó un momento en que mis amistades eran lo más importante en mi vida, incluso más que mi vida propia, creo que fue por inseguridad, por lo que realmente me pasaba.

Hubo un periodo en mi vida que fue muy triste; ver que todos mi amigos y amigas se casaban y yo no, fue algo frustrante. El enemigo trato una vez más de distraerme y separarme del amor de Dios con desánimo de quién era yo; pensamientos de que yo no me iba a casar porque yo no era bonita como mis amigas regresaron.

Aunque tuve mis años de rebeldía, gracias a que recibí a Cristo a los 14 años y que siempre tuve la convicción de las cosas de Dios,    llegue a mi vida adulta amando y sirviendo a Dios, aunque con mi identidad bastante herida. Nadie sabía lo que yo sufría en cuanto a mi apariencia.

Alcance un punto muy alto en mi carrera; era socia de mi propia empresa e incluso tenia acciones, era muy feliz con mi familia, mis amistades, trabajo y mi iglesia.

Un día una persona de mi confianza me comento que había estado orando por mi y que Dios le había dado una visión y me dijo, te vi caminando con un niño tu vas a ser madre de un varón algún día; la verdad me dio risa. En ese tiempo en mi mente no existía ni si quiera una pequeña probabilidad de que yo me casaría. Pero le di las gracias, y dentro de mí creció la esperanza.
Un día platicando con Dios yo le dije, Dios gracias por mi vida, realmente soy feliz y si tu quieres que yo se soltera, seré la soltera mas feliz.

Sabiendo profundamente que Dios sabe lo más profundo de nuestros deseos y pensamientos.
Bueno el había dado una visión antes, y el sabia la verdad de mi corazón. Casi un mes después de esta plática con Dios, conocí a Bill mi esposo, y Dios mando a este hombre para restaurar la confianza en mí misma y mi feminidad; creo que fue hasta después de casada que yo acepte mi apariencia física.

El enemigo siempre esta tratado de robar sueños, y a la mujeres en particular nos destruye diciendo mentiras para no alcanzar nuestro potencial y destino planeado por nuestro Dios, quiero animar a toda mujer, que nuestro enfoque no sea solamente por lo que otros dicen de nosotras sino por lo valiosas que somos en Cristo quien se entrego por nosotras para mostrar nuestra belleza interior y exterior. Uno de mis versos favoritos de la biblia que anima mucho es, “Porque yo sé muy bien los planes que tengo para ustedes —afirma el Señor—, planes de bienestar y no de calamidad, a fin de darles un futuro y una esperanza”. Jeremías 29:11

Tengo recuerdos muy hermosos de mi boda, pero algo que recuerdo más es que ese dia yo era la mujer más bella del mundo. Dios sabía lo que mi corazón anhelaba y me dio como marido a un hombre que me ama tal como soy. Dios me dio un precioso hijo que en una visión me lo había profetizado. Dios siguió tratando otras áreas en mi vida a medida que yo le entregue todo.

Ahora puedo decir que soy libre de heridas de mi pasado, soy libre de cosas negativas que hablaron a mi vida, si soy libre por que se que mi valor no es sólo mi apariencia física, soy libre por que se que Dios me creó con un propósito y me dio el carácter y el físico que tengo con un propósito soy libre soy Miriam y soy bonita.

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Photography Credit

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Alicia Zinn loves all things creative, including God’s creation.  She considers it a personal challenge when people express not being photogenic.”My heart is to capture the natural God given beauty that shines out of each of us. I long to see each person as God sees them… That is why I named my studio In His Eyes!” You can view more of her work at www.inhiseyestx.com

Sierra

April 8, 2013 — 1 Comment

Sierra is one of my dearest friends.  I met her during our time in bible school at CFNI.  She and her husband, Kyle, are both incredibly talented singers and musicians.  They have two beautiful kids, Anaya and Ari.  I have always thought Sierra was beautiful inside and out.  Her skin is virtually flawless!  The photos that I’m including here are what photographers call straight-out-of-camera, unedited, or raw.  She truly is a breathtaking example of God’s creation and her heart for people matches the exterior in every way.  I’m blessed to call her friend….

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Black is beautiful…at least that’s what my Aunt Betty always told me. Aunt Betty passed away fourteen years ago but I can always hear her voice ringing in my ears. Black is beautiful. Every time she saw me….black is beautiful. Aunt Betty could see that I didn’t know just how beautiful I really am.

When it came to my dark skin, I was called every name in the book – ‘blacky’, ‘darky’, ‘midnight’, ‘spot’, ‘pepper’, ‘blurple’ (meaning I was so black, I was purple. That never made too much sense to me!), and the list goes on. I allowed every word to determine how I saw myself. To me, black was ugly. I knew what Aunt Betty had told me but I couldn’t see it. I thought that if I could be just a little lighter, then I would be pretty. Looking around me, it seemed that the girls with the lighter skin were prettier. They were popular. They were the ones the guys liked. They were the ones I saw on television and in music videos. I wanted to be like those girls. I spent most of adolescent/teenage years in a constant state of envy and self-hatred.

It took a long time, but there came a point in my life where I began to believe what Aunt Betty always told me. I started to see my black as beautiful and I began to love and embrace the chocolate skin that God put me in. I realized this was something that, no matter how hard I tried, I simply could not change. If anything, I could only get darker! The thing that helped me get to this point is the love story of the Shulamite girl and her beloved in the Song of Solomon.

I am dark but beautiful, O women of Jerusalem—
dark as the tents of Kedar, dark as the curtains of Solomon’s tents. Don’t stare at me because I am dark— Song of Solomon 1:5-6a

This Shulamite girl had some haters. The women of Jerusalem had issues with her dark skin but she didn’t. She’s saying; I know what you’re saying about me, I know what you think of me and I know I am dark but I am beautiful. In other words, don’t hate! This girl’s beauty had transcended that of her haters and captured the heart of the king, her beloved. He is so enamored by her beauty that he describes it in great detail throughout the entire book. King Solomon wrote over 1,000 songs and she was his greatest song. He had 700 wives and 300 concubines. Imagine that he wrote a song for each woman. I would dare to say that this Shulamite girl was his greatest love. Likewise, I am Christ’s greatest song. I am His greatest love. He sees me as beautiful, even when I didn’t see it myself. I am the Shulamite girl and I have captured the heart of my King. I am Sierra. I am black and I am beautiful!

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