November 12, 2012 — Leave a comment

My friend Meagan shares her story today.  I love her story because we get the chance to not only hear her heart, but the chance to see a very beautiful, confident young woman at the end of the story.  The key word here is ‘young’.  Meagan is still finishing her schooling.  She is unmarried.  She is just embarking on her life.  She is the picture of what this project seeks to achieve – the breaking down of lies, the rising above words spoken over you, the choosing to believe what God says over you rather than what others say over you.  She is now free to move forward with her life and purpose with boldness!  Can you imagine how healthy the women of our world would be if more people like Meagan existed in her generation?  Just think of the possibilities….

What is my direction?

Which is my path to take?

Might I fall from life’s blows?

Will I end this open ache?

Questions surround my head

Uncertainties fill my heart

Which one do I love more?

What vision should I start?

Growing up, I was a sincere little girl who cared more about the life expectancy of our neighborhood squirrels than of life’s hardships. Nothing ever seemed to get me down, and I felt ready to take on life.  When I was eight years old, I had my whole life figured out. Maybe that sounds a bit exaggerated, but I did have all my dreams figured out. I wanted to be a singing superstar – or a spy. Let’s be honest, spy trumped everything. But alas, I did not become a spy. Singing, however, stuck with me. By the time I was old enough to dream of a future, I dreamed of being on the stage.  As I became older, however, outsiders played a major role in my decisions; and as the years passed by, I found myself more lost than found.

For me, it started in middle school – as I’m sure many can relate. Girls, as some may well know, can be particularly cruel at times. Those girls made me question every piece of my life, and when you start to question one aspect of God’s truth, you tend to start to question every aspect. If you don’t believe one thing God tells you, what other lies do you start to believe? When I was told that my dreams were too big and my aspirations too high, I began to question all of God’s truths. Does He have a plan for my life? Has He created me to be smart and intelligent? Am I made in His image? Am I beautiful? Insecurities devoured me like a flash flood, and I began to slip into a downward spiral.

I found out the hard way that words can be damaging as I found myself listening to the voices of others more than my own inner voice. Suddenly I no longer felt smart, talented, or beautiful. All of a sudden, I was no longer good enough. And as I tried to pick up the shards of my shattered dreams, I only ended up cutting my hands.

All through college, I searched for myself. I searched for that little girl who was the epitome of me. I was in so much despair that I eventually didn’t care what happened to my life; and for a period of time, depression was knocking at my door. By the time I graduated college, I felt like a hazy wave of confusion had settled over me. Who was I anymore?

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.”  Ecclesiastes 3:11-12

When I was at my very lowest and thought that life was meaningless, God’s love abounded. I found refuge in His arms, and acceptance in His eyes. He never questioned me. God knew what He created, and He knew my path to take. He deemed me beautiful. My dreams, my imagination, my heart, my compassion, my laugh – it’s beautiful. Why? Because I toiled and strived to get to where I am? Because others have finally believed in my dreams? No. It’s because God has created me beautiful. My name is Meagan, and I am beautiful.

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